wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
