WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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