come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
