You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
