R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
