I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
