I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
