If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
