If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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