When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
