I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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