she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
