I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
