I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
