how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
