Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
