if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
