I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
