Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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