toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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