She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
