Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My first STD was from a foam party
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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