I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
