If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
