Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
