farters have to be the big spoon...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
