are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
