I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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