I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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