so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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