Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
