I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
