I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
