Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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