The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
