I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
