i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
