***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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