I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
