alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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