no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
