I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
