how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
