we have officially lost it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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