I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
