My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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