i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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