I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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