If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
