All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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