There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
