I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
